FBI Agent Bemoans Assignment


After a lifetime of training, discipline, hard work, FBI agent Mike Chavez finds himself depressed, a little lonely, and bored.
“When I left Quantico, I couldn’t wait to get out there and start solving murders, hunting for serial killers, busting up organized crime rings, maybe infiltrating a terrorist cell or two and making America safe again. I got my assignment to Denver and, although I was really hoping for New York or D.C., I figured I was bound to see some action one way or another. Then I arrived at our office in the Stapleton neighborhood. OK, I figured, the building looks like it could withstand some heavy attacks so they must be wary of something out here. Wrong, dead wrong. Turns out they are required to build FBI offices with a certain degree of fortitude no matter where they are located. Do you know how many national security risks are called in to the Stapleton branch every month? Zero.”


Never forgetting why he became an agent in the first place, Chavez does not let the lack of danger deter him and leaves no stone unturned.
“I thought I had a line on a prostitution ring a little while ago when I saw an ad for Stapleton Trim but I went undercover posing as a John and all I came back with was a coupon for 25% off any tree trimming (valid only in July of 2017). I also decided to run down the list of everyone who had purchased fertilizer at the local Home Depot recently and see if anything popped. Turns out 98% of them used the fertilizer on their own lawn while 2% admitted to fertilizing their neighbor’s neglected lawn while they were at work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m not at the Aurora branch but what does a guy have to do to get transferred to Littleton around here?”

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