Eastbridge Man Pretends to Convert to Judaism to Avoid Putting Up Christmas Lights

menorahEastbridge continues to see its neighborhood Christmas decorations soar to new heights. People go as far as paying thousands of dollars to have them professionally decorated. Many people spend countless hours on the weekend going to the store to purchase new decorations and getting their arrangement just right for everyone to enjoy, not to mention bragging rights. This holiday season Eastbridge resident Mark Street decided to buy two menorahs and place them inside his two front window sills. “I really just got sick and tired of trying to keep up with the Jones’s, having to buy bigger and better Christmas lights every fucking year. It’s bad enough Christmas decorations go up the day after Halloween, even worse my next-door neighbor Jon just dropped $400 on an 8 foot blow-up Grinch. I purchased two Menorahs on sale for $89 on shop-judaica.com. There was no assembly required, and it took me five minutes to put the batteries in and set them up, which gave me the entire afternoon to watch college football and even a little time to play with my kids.”

Some Eastbridge neighbors were suspicious of the new holiday decorations in the Street house. Next door neighbor Kevin Shannon asked Mark if “he converted to Judaism? I thought you said you were was raised Missouri Synod Lutheran?” Mark simply let Derek know that he indeed had converted, “and it was a very personal decision.” The response was perfect in that it ended all potential follow up questions. “Sure, neighbors may question it, as they have seen Christmas lights up in the past, but my lights were always secular in nature, and to cover all the bases I’ve convinced my wife to have doubters over for traditional Jewish holiday delicacies, latkes and fried jelly donuts. It’s not like we went to church anyways. It may be hypocritical or even a bit reprehensible to display menorahs, but the holidays are stressful enough. Having my time and my sanity is invaluable, not to mention some of the holiday displays around us are fucking ridiculous. If Tim Whatley can convert to Judaism for the jokes, I should be allowed to convert to avoid putting up Christmas lights.”

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