Issue 8

MCA Shows Unedited Version of Pulp Fiction; Kids F***ing Love It

MCA Shows Unedited Version of Pulp Fiction; Kids F***ing Love It

The Stapleton MCA knocked the ball out of the park last weekend when they opted to go with the unedited version of Pulp Fiction, pleasing parents and kids alike.  “At first I thought it was going to be sh*tty,” said nine year old Abby Gates.  “But after 10 minutes, I thought it was f%ck@ng awesome!”  […]

Residents Make Contingency Plan in Case of Foreclosure

Residents Make Contingency Plan in Case of Foreclosure

Sprinkled throughout the well-planned Forrest City neighborhood of Stapleton, you will find several motor homes and RVs.  At first glance you may assume that these are the vehicles of visitors from out of town.  You may even think your neighbor is planning to retire early and drive cross-country exploring our great nation, ala Sarah Palin.  […]

Wiggles Cancel July Town Center Performance Amid Substance Abuse Rumors

Wiggles Cancel July Town Center Performance Amid Substance Abuse Rumors

In an announcement that will shake 2 and 3 year olds to their core, the popular children entertainers ‘The Wiggles’ have abruptly cancelled a planned outdoor concert performance at the Stapleton Town Center.  Originally slated for Saturday, July 23rd, at 1:00 PM, a specific reason for the cancellation was not given.  However, during a surprisingly […]

Southenders on High Alert After Spotting White Guy Walking Dog

Neighbors in Stapleton’s Southend aren’t sleeping any easier after hearing about a Caucasian man seen walking a white Labordoodle along the greenbelt last week.  The man was reportedly seen walking the allergy- friendly pooch at 6PM last Thursday near the skate park. “Something just didn’t seem right about it,” reported Southend resident and block captain, […]

Stapleton MCA to Open “Nanny Only” Pool

Stapleton MCA to Open “Nanny Only” Pool

In an effort to make Stapleton mom’s less self conscious and nannies less “creeped out,” the Stapleton MCA has agreed to turn one of its pools (YTD) into a “nanny-only” pool.  The pool has received extremely mixed feedback, albeit consistent within groups.  For example, Stapleton moms and nannies are very excited about the new pool.  […]

Thank Heaven!  711!

Thank Heaven! 711!

Stapleton residents have become so desperate for a Havana Town Center, they are now ecstatic about the announcement of a 711 convenient store moving in farther down the road on Havana.  “I was psyched it wasn’t a King Soopers,” said resident Ben Raiklin.  “This is so huge.  I will happily pay the extra 30% to […]

Letter from the Editor: Help Put an End to High-Powered Squirt Guns at Stapleton Pools

Letter from the Editor: Help Put an End to High-Powered Squirt Guns at Stapleton Pools

This may be bad timing considering we just celebrated our great nation’s independence, and I am writing an article that goes directly in the face of the constitution’s 2nd amendment.  However, as an editor of a major publication, it is my responsibility to do what I think is right and mobilize the masses.