Issue 63

Aurora Pleased Stapleton Residents Finally Bitching About Other Noisy Neighbor, Commerce City

Aurora Pleased Stapleton Residents Finally Bitching About Other Noisy Neighbor, Commerce City

Stapleton residents have been so focused on distancing themselves from Aurora the last several years, they completely forgot about their other ugly neighbor, Commerce City. Unfortunately for Commerce City, a loud Dave Matthews concert has given them the unneeded ire of the Stapleton community. “Think of communities as neighbors on a street,” said Stapleton resident […]

DPS Intensifies Stapleton HS Principal Search After Realizing Local Candidates All Suck

DPS Intensifies Stapleton HS Principal Search After Realizing Local Candidates All Suck

DPS along with the Stapleton Search Committee completed a three month local search for a candidate to become the Principal at the new Stapleton High School. According to reports, DPS was looking for a candidate who met the following qualifications: forward-thinking approach, understanding of the community, desire to partner with parents, and ability to lead […]

Quebec Street:  The Ultimate Quagmire

Quebec Street: The Ultimate Quagmire

Recently, the City of Denver and traffic engineers met to look at some possible solutions to the traffic issues on Quebec St. Anyone who has accidentally taken Quebec and thought they were going to cross over Colfax between the hours of 2PM and 6PM knows what a mess this can be. Drivers and residents in […]

RTD Bus in Stapleton Almost Causes Issue

RTD Bus in Stapleton Almost Causes Issue

Erin Logan was walking along the trail on 29th St. when she saw an RTD bus heading her way on the street. She quickly ducked behind a tree in case the driver lost control of the vehicle. The bus continued on its way without hitting her, and made its passenger pickup on 29th. Luckily, there […]

Study:  62% of Stapleton Women Speak to Husbands only Using Questions

Study: 62% of Stapleton Women Speak to Husbands only Using Questions

A recent study reveals that over half of Stapleton women communicate with their husbands almost exclusively using questions, or interrogative statements used to test knowledge. “We are studying the communication habits of married couples,” said research director Brian Crowley. “The Stapleton community has a dense population of married couples in the age range we wanted […]

Stapleton Welcome Committee Fears Worst of New Eastbridge Resident

Stapleton Welcome Committee Fears Worst of New Eastbridge Resident

“We will be out here until we know the truth–this is just not Stapleton,” said one of a small group of passionate protestors picketing the home of a new Eastbridge resident. Support is mounting against the new resident’s lifestyle since Wednesday morning when a neighbor sporting a welcome basket was able to enter the home. […]

First Annual “Spirit Games”:  Even College-Theme Parties in Stapleton are Snobby

First Annual “Spirit Games”: Even College-Theme Parties in Stapleton are Snobby

Just when you think Stapleton can’t get any snobbier, they somehow make it happen. This Friday night (9/13), a direct giving party with a college-like rivalry is being hosted at the Nantucket Close. Yes, a college theme party in the most exclusive part of Stapleton. Parents from Bill Roberts and Westerly Creek will be squaring […]