Issue 6

Report: Nantucket Close Residents ARE Better Than You

Report: Nantucket Close Residents ARE Better Than You

A comprehensive study recently conducted by the University of Colorado concluded what many Stapleton residents have known for years:  residents in the Nantucket Close are significantly better than everyone else.  The study looked at several factors including appearance, income, intelligence, athleticism, musical ability, artistic ability, and even charisma.  “We scored each one of these categoriess, […]

Stapleton Library Slated to Open Exactly One Day After Libraries Become Irrelevant

Stapleton Library Slated to Open Exactly One Day After Libraries Become Irrelevant

Residents are eagerly awaiting the opening of the new Stapleton Library, but unfortunately, the grand opening has bad timing, according to most analysts.  “Sadly, libraries are quickly going the direction of the newspaper,” said Wall Street Journal .com analyst Jake Wharton.  “With Wikipedia, who needs microfiche; with the Kindle, who needs physical books; with the […]

Trailblazing Dad Gains Acceptance at Stroller Class

Trailblazing Dad Gains Acceptance at Stroller Class

Chad Muchmore is a stay at home dad, who was looking for a way to get in shape.  Problem is, he is in charge of looking after his 8 month old child.  After researching several options, he decided to go with one of the local stroller classes.  “It looked like the best thing for me,” […]

Residents Angry They Too Can Get Speeding Tickets

When Danny Bolsom was headed down MLK Blvd. going 48 miles per hour, he thought nothing of it. The speed limit is 35 on MLK, but Danny had the same assumption as most other Stapleton residents: the speed limit is for non-residents. Danny was shocked when he saw a police car in his rearview mirror, […]

Parents Want to Know SMIS CSAP scores Before They Happen

In a very proactive move, parents whose children will attend SMIS next year have demanded student test results. Problem is, these tests have yet to take place. New Principal Vogel is struggling with the request. “We want to be supportive of the parents and work with them,” said Vogel, “however, there is really no way […]

Stapleton to Play Host for Filming of Fast and Furious 6

Stapleton to Play Host for Filming of Fast and Furious 6

Stapleton residents may not have to wait long to see Paul Walker or Vin Diesel driving through their neighborhood. Word has leaked from Hollywood that Fast and Furious 6 will be filmed on location in this quiet Denver community. Casting Director Viveck Alaganti stated: “We were looking for sites to shoot the new movie and […]

Mom Mistakes Rampant Consumerism for Personal Slight

Mom Mistakes Rampant Consumerism for Personal Slight

A local Stapleton mom was caught by surprise last Saturday, to see her daughter return home from an American Girl Doll-themed birthday party with the Chinese-American based character “Ivy.”  “I mean, we already have Ivy.” Said the mom. “Why not Addie? Or Julie?” Upon learning her daughter had been given the doll as a party […]