Issue 19

Stapleton Elf on Shelf Tells Wife Husband is Cheating on Her

Stapleton Elf on Shelf Tells Wife Husband is Cheating on Her

In a bizarre turn of events, an elf on the shelf in Stapleton informed resident Cindy Patterson that her husband Robert had been cheating on her. The elf, Randy, had been spying on Robert, including listening to his phone calls, looking at text and emails, and even monitoring his online chats. “I’m obviously shocked and […]

Santa: “Stapleton Kids Nice, but Needy.”

Santa: “Stapleton Kids Nice, but Needy.”

We all know about Santa’s naughty and nice list and its importance when it comes to getting gifts on Christmas. Kids make their best efforts to behave for one year simply so they can get good gifts on Christmas. Each child having their own unique set of requests for gifts. The Stapletonion had a chance […]

Stapleton Manger Scene Replaces Baby Jesus with Baby Tebow

Stapleton Manger Scene Replaces Baby Jesus with Baby Tebow

In an only slightly controversial move, a Stapleton resident has created a manger scene where there is no baby Jesus, but a baby Tebow. The baby Tebow dons a number 15 Broncos jersey, and the three wise men are all “Tebow-ing” next to the baby. “We still love the baby Jesus,” said resident Steve “Stevie” […]

Northfield Carriage Ride Features Trip Through Historic Borders Parking Lot

Northfield is offering carriage rides as an additional incentive for people to shop in Northfield this Holiday season. Along with being able to see Target, Bass Pro Shops, the movie theatre, and a random barrage of other shops, riders will be able to experience the parking lot of a classic bookstore, long since closed down. […]

Swigert-McAuliffe International School Changes to Intergalactic School

Swigert-McAuliffe International School Changes to Intergalactic School

After long thought and consideration, the board of regents at SMIS has decided to change its format from an international school to an intergalactic school. “We just felt that we were possibly limiting not only the students we could bring in, but the potential of the current students,” said regent’s member Scott Andreasen. “We want […]

Protests begin over Lengthy Construction Project

Protests begin over Lengthy Construction Project

Residents angry about the Central Park Blvd. exchange began posting signs demanding the city “End Road Work.” There has been an undercurrent of complaints since the project began, but as residents have lost their patience, they started posting the signs including their demand.

Stapleton Resident Reports Presence of Water in Sand Creek

Stapleton Resident Reports Presence of Water in Sand Creek

State health officials and Denver Water officials are confirming reports that water may have leaked its way into Sand Creek, a major source of cancer-causing pollutants for Aurora and Northeast Colorado.