Issue 15

Black Out: EaWe Picks Up Pieces After Power Outage

Black Out: EaWe Picks Up Pieces After Power Outage

At roughly 2:33 PM on September 30th, a nightmare occurred in the EaWe neighborhood of Stapleton that lasted for about three hours. Power was dead.  Flat screen TVs, iPad chargers, Nintendo Wii Systems, and automatic can openers all rendered useless. 911 fielded hundreds of calls in a matter of minutes from concerned residents. “We were […]

New Technology has King Soopers Carts Insulting Those Not Returning Them

New Technology has King Soopers Carts Insulting Those Not Returning Them

Although the Stapleton King Soopers is criticized for several things, there is one thing that annoys those forced to shop there due to no alternative than anything else:  people not returning their carts.  It affects the parking spaces, bangs up unsuspecting cars, and most of all, simply irritates people that other people are that lazy.

Central Park Bridge Expected to Connect Stapleton to Real World

Central Park Bridge Expected to Connect Stapleton to Real World

As construction winds down on the Central Park Blvd. Bridge, residents are cautiously excited about the possibility of discovering a world outside of Stapleton.  Long since whispered about when someone newly arrives to the neighborhood this “real world” remains a mystery. “Look, life is great here” noted resident Greg Asbee, “but sometimes I wonder. What […]

College Flags Lead to Neighborhood Strife

College Flags Lead to Neighborhood Strife

The practice of flying a college flag off the front porch during football season has led to serious acrimony between neighbors on one Stapleton block. SUN is considering forming an ad hoc committee to investigate the practice and see whether it should be banned altogether. “My neighbor across the street has a Stanford flag hanging […]

Stapleton Residents Terrorized by Massive Child Infestation

Stapleton Residents Terrorized by Massive Child Infestation

Hordes of feral children roamed Stapleton’s parks and swimming pools Saturday as officials admitted that there is little they can to battle the infestation.  “They’re a menace,” complained one local resident. “You see them everywhere you go. Even the restaurants seem to have more children than patrons these days.” The unprecedented problem has grown so […]

State of the Art Birthing Center to Open in Stapleton

State of the Art Birthing Center to Open in Stapleton

The Stapleton community is excited about the new birthing center opening in August 2012 in EaWe where a school was originally to be located. The new center, which is yet to be named, will have amenities that will blow away anything Rose and St. Joes currently offer. Most importantly, Stapleton residents will finally be able […]

“Occupy Stapleton” Movement Never Gains Momentum

“Occupy Stapleton” Movement Never Gains Momentum

In an effort similar to the one on Wall Street, a handful of Denver protestors made an effort to “occupy Stapleton.” Similar to the Wall Street protests, it is not completely clear what they were looking for. Of the less than a dozen or so protestors turned campers that showed up daily, signs changed every […]