Bad Stapleton Moms

Below are two of the bad mom submissions we received. I know what some of you are thinking: “I am way worse than that.” Well, let us know next year as the same contest will be in play.

Submission One
I’ve always had a potty mouth. Later on, as a mom, I really didn’t let up. This was first demonstrated by my oldest daughter yelling the f-word during mass at 1 ½ years old when she dropped her toy (in front of my mother-in-law who is very Catholic and very southern and very proper, I might add). Now, as a mom-of-three, it’s just a coping mechanism – swearing – some words just make me feel better. Or, sometimes there is no other word that fits or accurately expresses what I’m trying to say or what I feel.

I don’t swear AT my kids, I swear AROUND them. It’s just cathartic…and they’ve grown used to it (though started to comment on it). “Where the hell are my keys?” “F’ing dog – she sh*t the floor again!” “Dammit – I forgot to pick up milk!”

My favorite? “Are you f’ing kidding me” said to no one in particular – the food I just burned, the mess I just made, the errand I forgot to run, the ridiculous email I receive, or the bad driver in front of me. My 8-year old said it for me once this year when something happened and I was staring at a mess without words – she smiled and said, “Are you f’ing kidding me?” I almost peed my pants – but also realized it was time for a change.

So I decided to TRY to stop swearing in front of the kids. When I announced my 2014 New Year’s Resolution to stop swearing? My kids were actually excited and cheered me on! After a rocky start, I announced that I was starting a “swear jar,” whereby I would place $1 for every swear word I let slip in front of the kids. Within two weeks it had almost $50. Thereafter, my kids started feeling sorry for me and giving me “freebies.” They’d say, “Mom, you’re frustrated at the plumber or vacuum or whatever, don’t put a dollar in the jar for that one.” Or, “Mom, I was pretty bad and fresh to you this morning, so don’t put any money in the jar for that one.” WTF?!?! My swear job experiment wasn’t helping me, but it was helping teach my children to be empatheticic towards me? That’s a twisted turn of events. How much is in the jar now? Let’s just say that we might be headed for a family dinner at the Capital Grille in the very near future.

Submission Two
My ten year old son and I went to Chicago. We checked into our hotel room at eight and we were starving. There was a Malnetti’s pizza 5 blocks away. My son and I walked there and a table was a two hour wait so we ordered take out (which was just an hour). We went back to our room and he was exhausted so I locked him in a hotel room so I could pick up the pizza and swing by 7-11 to buy some beer. It seemed perfectly normal to me until I got home and told my friends how delicious the pizza and beer were and my friends focused on me leaving my son alone in Chicago while I wandered around picking up beer and pizza. It is possible that it was a bad parental move.

I have been called at work more than once by my kids wanting to know if I am picking them up from school. If it is raining in the morning I drive them and then I forget that they cannot bike home.

I was at my son’s school as a guest speaker one time and he interrupted me and I flipped him off. Surprisingly, I am still allowed in the school.

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