December 2018
You are browsing the archive for December 2018.
Record One-Third of Shit Gets Done While Wife Out of Town
Stapleton woman Sarah Burns left town for a three-day work trip two weeks ago. Like many successful, working Stapleton women, Sarah occasionally has to travel. “It’s not too bad,” said Burns. “Usually, it’s just one to two days, but every once in a while, I have to be gone for three to four days. I […]
Stanley’s New “No Dinosaur” Policy Frustrating to Local Residents
Recently, Stanley Marketplace implemented a new policy where pets will no longer be allowed inside the building. The policy excludes service animals, but included and was not limited to dogs, cats, and even harmless dinosaurs. “We knew this would cause some backlash,” said Stanley spokesperson Kyle Strassburg. “Many of our patrons enjoyed bringing their friends, […]
Traffic Reminder: Intersection at 25th & Dayton NOT a 4-Way Stop
The “Shortcut to Stanley” has become busier and busier since it opened just over a year ago. The only traffic on the road back then was headed straight to Stanley Marketplace or maybe to Amina Auto to fix a vehicle. Nowadays Stanley is attracting business from every direction, and people from Aurora are using Dayton as […]
Eastbridge Man Pretends to Convert to Judaism to Avoid Putting Up Christmas Lights
Eastbridge continues to see its neighborhood Christmas decorations soar to new heights. People go as far as paying thousands of dollars to have them professionally decorated. Many people spend countless hours on the weekend going to the store to purchase new decorations and getting their arrangement just right for everyone to enjoy, not to mention […]
Stapleton Parents Forced to Rent Space to Hide Kids’ Presents
Stapleton parents Stew and Carol Hogan promise to not go overboard every year. However, every Holiday Season, they find themselves in the same predicament with lots of presents and no place to put them. “We used to be able to hide them different places in the loft and the basement,” said Stew. “But, the kids […]
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