2011 Stapleton Census Report Results

Since the Stapleton community is a new, sustainable, and thriving development, the city of Denver had asked for an individual mini census report due at the end of 2011. The Stapletonion was fortunate enough to have won the bid to orchestrate this process. We are happy to have this newly released sneak peak at some of the more interesting statistics and we’re sharing it with the residents today for the first time! Note–the full 10 page report will not be released until the end of February.

65% of Stapleton couples resemble one another.
Of the 35% who do not resemble one another, 25% of will divorce in two years or less.
93% of the residents are democrats or just pretend to be so as to avoid controversy.
89% of Stapleton mothers with two or more boys are thinner and prettier than those without.
87% of moms with two or more girls are better mothers.
84% of couples have two children and one dog.
43% of the couples with three kids wish they had stopped at two and are impatiently waiting for their dog to die.
12% of Stapleton stay at home moms made it their goal to be featured in the Front Porch at least once. 90% of those stories in which they were featured were read and forgotten in less than 5 minutes.
The other 88% of stay at home moms were too busy working out at the gym to maintain their trophy status.
76% percent of working moms say that they feel guilty working all day, miss the time with their children, but need the extra income. (In a separate survey, 74% of them admitted that they don’t need the extra income and in fact work to get away from their children. 16% admitted to working outside the home so they did not have to be responsible for planning meals).
The remaining 24% of working moms mistakenly reported that they did not work outside of the home because they thought that “working outside of the home” referred to yard work. That’s a man’s job.
89% of residents are Caucasian, and 11% are “other.” 10% of the “others” speak Caucasian. 64% of the Caucasians have mistakenly called the police on an “other” at least once on the past few years.
80% of Stapleton residents are under the age of 10.
15% are over the age of 40.
75% of those who are 40+ years old think that they only look 30 years old.
37% of children will go to the emergency room due to a scooter accident. 91% of those parents will go to emergency room to treat shin lacerations from the same scooter because they attempted to carry the darn thing onto their porch and it swung around and nailed them.

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