Stapleton Man Says, “Fuck it” and Gives Wife $250 Visa Gift Card

gift cardWith Christmas less than two weeks away, Stapleton men are struggling to figure out what to give their spouses. Jewelry can often be tricky, guys never know what stores, styles, or sizes to get in regards to clothes, and they have typically relied too heavily on the pampering gifts. Stapleton resident Adam Brown further explains his challenge. “She seems like she has everything she wants, that we can afford,” said Brown. “I’m not going to surprise her with a Lexus or something. We have two kids and I have given some sentimental things before, but those ideas are once in every five year type ideas. I can’t come up with something unique and sentimental every year for every birthday. That’s just too much.”

Brown says his wife is pretty easy going, but he still gets stressed about present-giving. “Did I spend enough, did I put enough thought into it, and on and on,” said Brown. “She does like gift cards, but I really don’t want to drive somewhere to get her a gift card. Plus, I could do that and then I may realize she wanted something from somewhere else.” So, Brown decided to make things easy on himself this season. “I said, ‘fuck it’ and got her a $250 Visa gift card. It’s not like it’s cash. I had to put some effort in to it, right.” Happy Holidays and good luck, Adam.

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Who’s Who of Stapleton Walk Red Carpet at Punch Bowl Social Opening

punch-bowlStapleton’s Punch Bowl Social opened last weekend and residents all over Stapleton made sure you knew they had tickets to the opening. Social media was filled with photos and comments from those who were able to get the hardest ticket in town. “I have a friend who is friends with someone who knows the owner,” said local big shot Sam Jepsen. “When I found out I got to go the opening, I just couldn’t believe it. It’s a once in a lifetime event. I know a lot of people don’t know people like I do, so I felt bad for them. But man, it was cool.” Kelly Runchey was also able to snag some tickets for the opening night. “It was such a special experience,” said Runchey. “People were there from all over Stapleton. People I have seen at the Farmer’s Market, or Stanley, and other places. And there they were. Right there at Punch Bowl Social. I immediately asked to take some pictures with some of them so I could post them on Facebook.” Resident Molly Crawford was in awe of the entire experience. “When I found out I had tickets, I almost started crying,” said Crawford. “I mean, what an incredible, amazing, life experience. I saw some of my neighbors there along with some parents from my kids’ school. If you were somebody, you were at the Punch Bowl Social.”

Party-goers took time to take lots of pictures and immediately post them on Facebook so others would know how important they were. “I wanted to make sure people knew I got to go to the opening of a kind of chain restaurant,” said resident Jessica Davis. “People need to know that I’m part of the Stapleton scene, which means everything. You’re either part of it, or fighting to get in to it.” “I didn’t even get to see that much of the restaurant,” said Ryan Ambrose. “I was stuck staring at all the Stapleton royalty there. I mean everybody, if you were somebody, was there. It was pretty great. Of the most life changing experiences I have had, it would be my kids being born, than this.” It’s hard to say if Punch Bowl Social will continue to deliver this kind of mania from week to week. But, for this one weekend, customers were awed, if not only by themselves.

*This writer, nor any writers from The Stapletonion staff, were invited to the opening of Stapleton Punch Bowl Social.

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Residents Begin Asking, “What The Hell is That Green Bike Doing Here?”

lime bikeIn Stapleton, we are used to bikes being taken. But lately, it seems bikes are being left. Like, everywhere. “I was driving by that climbing park on 26th, and there was this bike parked right on the sidewalk,” said Eastbridge resident Greg Zinn. “What the hell was it doing there? No one was around, and it was parked on the sidewalk.” Kevin Hansen has noticed the same thing. “I saw two bikes randomly parked at the pocket park near our place,” said Hansen. “Very strange. I can’t believe no one has stolen those things. They weren’t locked, hidden, or anything.” The bikes are being seen all over Stapleton. “I am seeing these things everywhere,” said Nicole Morgan. “Where are they coming from and what are they for? How soon before I just have a green bike parked in front of my house?”

Turns out, the bikes are right where they are supposed to, which is wherever the previous rider wants to leave them. The LimeBikes are dockless bikes which can be left anywhere, and people can use an app to rent them by the hour. “It’s pretty cool what they’re trying to do,” said resident Karl Greve. “But I’m not sure I want to see these things just sitting around everywhere. I hear they want to add a lot more of these.” Some residents are worried about how people will be using them. “Any chance thieves will be using them for an easy exit out of Staplehood?” asked a concerned Kristi Morgan. “It seems that it may be one way for criminals to get in and out of here easily with our stuff. It even has a basket.” It’s too early to tell if the bikes will be effective or if they will be used for questionable activity, but get used to them being around. They will be everywhere.

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Parents Prepare for Summer As School Year is “Basically Over”

summer almost hereStapleton Parents are already working to find summer camps and nannies as summer rapidly approaches. “I was looking at the DPS calendar, and kids are off over 15% of weekdays between now and the end of the school year,” said Stapleton mom Brooke Corkery. “Plus, kids will have sick days, snow days, and then there’s basically the whole month of May where everyone has given up. So, we need to start getting ready for summer now. It’s right around the corner.” DPS Schools do not officially end until May 31st, six months away, but to most, it feels a lot closer than that. “There’s winter break coming up, and that takes almost all of December,” said parent Tanya Bowsen. “Then, we miss a couple Fridays during ski season, so that’s gone. All of the sudden, it will be spring break, and we are basically done.”

Parents are already making sure to get kids signed up for camps. “You have to sign up early or the kids will get left out,” said Diane Mayer. “It’s frustrating, but we are already running into camps which are filled up.” Whether you like it or not, summer is here. Basically.

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To Stapleton Residents: “Tear (Gift ideas) Down (from) That Wall”

giving wallStanley Marketplace has teamed up with the Aurora Housing Authority and Denver Housing Authority for their first-ever giving wall. This is an easy way for area residents to give back to our communities during the Holiday season.
Stanley Giving Wall is located in the community area in Stanley in front of the Denver Biscuit Company. The wall includes tags with gift suggestions for children and families in need. Bring the family and come grab one (or some), and then go purchase those items and more for the families to help them have a happy Holiday season. After your shopping is complete, drop off the unwrapped gift items along with the Giving Wall tag(s) at poppy & pine, Trunk Nouveau, or True. The great folks at the Aurora Housing Authority and Denver Housing Authority will take it from there.

The Giving Wall will be at Stanley through December 11, and they will continue to replenish it with new tags as many times as they can. Our goal as area residents is to make that part difficult. Let’s grab tags and turn in presents so fast the respective housing authorities have to work overtime to keep up with our demand to help those in need. This is a great opportunity for a teaching moment with your kids, so bring them along. Before leaving Stanley, grab a bite to eat, and then get a *drink to go as you walk around and check out all the great shops at Stanley.

*Yes, you can take a roadie out of one of the establishments and do some shopping. That’s a real thing. That’s your Holiday present from me.

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All Stapleton Restaurants Simultaneously Put Each Other Out of Business

out of businessWithin the last 18 months, great restaurants have opened in Northfield, The Stanley, and the Eastbridge Town Center. Most of these places have received tremendous reviews from Stapleton residents and residents city-wide who have ventured east to try them. Prior to these restaurants opening, Stapleton already had some quality restaurants as well. The influx of options for residents has been great. “It used to be you always met your friends at the same one or two places,” said local resident Shane Murphy. “Now, it’s an actual conversation as to where you should go to eat or have drinks. There are so many great options.” Jaime Strassburg agrees. “I guess it makes going out to dinner a little harder because of all the places you have to choose from,” said Strassburg. “But, options are a good thing.”

Unfortunately, having so many terrific places to eat hasn’t been all good for the restaurants. “I think the same number or percentage of people continue to go out to eat,” said a local restauranteur. “Stapleton is growing, but the number of restaurants has outgrown the demand. And, unfortunately, Stapleton still isn’t getting a big draw from the rest of the city.” This factored in with randomly, inaccurate bad reviews on social media put the restaurants in jeopardy of closing. “The numbers just weren’t working out,” said another local restauranteur. “So, we decided to shut our doors in Stapleton on November 7th. It was tough, but it was a business decision.” Almost two dozen other locally owned, quality restaurants closed the same day, immediately causing home values to drop 8%. “I didn’t see this coming,” said resident Adam Yagla. “I didn’t go out to eat very often, but I really enjoyed having the options. Really sucks.” Jennifer Nielson also expressed remorse as she heard the news. “Just horrible news,” said Nielson. “It appears the chain restaurants made it through just fine, but not sure we will start regularly eating at Ihop.” Residents are hoping new restaurants will slowly start to build up again. “Maybe new, even better restaurants will take their place,” said a wishful Scott Jones. Wishes rarely come true, however, so it looks like Stapleton residents will have to get comfortable eating at McDonalds and Red Lobster.

Editor’s Note: There are many great restaurants in Stapleton, and although it is not your job to keep them in business, there are things you can do to help. 1) Invite non-Stapleton friends to the hood and take them out to eat at one of these many fine establishments. 2) If you have one bad experience at a local spot, don’t post it on social media. We all have different tastes, so if your friends ask you directly, tell them your opinion. But, you’re not a food critic. The world doesn’t need your opinion on cuisine. Keep your public opinions to politics and religion like the rest of us.

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