Stapleton 5th Grader Almost Considers Dressing Appropriately for Weather

11 year old almost dresses appropriatelyLandon Heinz is a fifth grader at Westerly Creek Elementary. Like most 5th grade boys, Landon dresses the exact same way as every other male student in his grade. Long sports shorts, long socks, sports shirt, etc. The girls in his grade are more apt to wear cute outfits, do their hair, and even dress appropriately as it pertains to the weather. Not the boys, however. They are wearing shorts. Every day. All the time. It doesn’t matter if it’s 80 degrees or 20 below with wind chill. They are wearing shorts. And, unbelievably, it appears they actually are completely unaffected by the cold. You never see these fifth grade boys shivering in a corner. They’ll be walking home in freezing temperatures, and be talking and laughing as if it is 75 and sunny. Nonetheless, parents still try to get these boys to dress appropriately. “I lay out clothes or tell him it’s going to be cold so wear pants or jeans all the time,” said Meg Clinton, mother of a fifth grade boy. “But, he ignores me and puts those damn shorts on.” Another local mom has even been called to the office because she “allowed” her son to wear shorts. “I literally got some sort of warning,” said Kyle Fisher. “As if I am some neglectful child abuser. I told them I try to get him to dress right.”
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Stapleton Dad “Probably Worst” Indoor Parent

worst indoor dadStapleton dad Kevin Becker enjoys spending time with his kids. He takes them to parks and pools, takes them hiking, goes to baseball games, and all sorts of other outdoor activities. “It’s just so much more fun to be out of the house,” says Becker. “Being inside causes more messes, stress, and just doesn’t feel as productive. So, the longer I can have the kids outside, the better.” Unfortunately for Becker, temperatures are starting to get colder and days are getting shorter. “It’s really hard right now. They get out of school, and even if it is not too cold, it is dark in about an hour. Not a lot you can do out in the dark, so we have to go inside after just a little while.” And that is where Becker gets stuck.
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Drive by Shooters on Havana to be Reminded to Slow Down

20171214_162535A few weeks ago, around 2:45 in the morning, five gun shots rang out on the 2800 block of Havana. More than likely, there was no intent on hitting anything, just some kids popping off some shots on their way home. Unfortunately, one slug actually did pierce the loft of someone’s home on the block. Luckily, no one was hurt. The police came out and recovered the casings and have begun an investigation. In an effort to assure the community that safety is of the utmost concern, city officials immediately took action. “After an event like this, we knew we would have to do something to help residents feel safe,” said district police officer Bobby Shannon. “We can’t have a situation where fear is running the neighborhood. In situations like these, you can’t delay. You need to act.”
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North Siders Frustrated With Having to Drive Eight Minutes to South Side Activities

driving from north sideAs Stapleton continues to grow north of the highway, many activities have remained on the south side. Numerous north-siders are former south siders and they are beginning to become disgruntled with having to drive between seven and ten minutes to get to the other side of the hood. “It’s really frustrating,” said resident Mike Colburn. “I mean, I thought once I moved over here the community would make sure I would not be inconvenienced. Why didn’t the things on the south side just follow me over here to make sure my life continued to be as easy as possible?” Kelly Fitzpatrick agrees. “We did all these things on the south side before we moved north,” explains Kelly. “But now, we don’t want to have to drive all that way to those things. Something needs to be done. Maybe another train?” For many north siders, it has caused them to stop doing those things altogether. “I used to go to my workout place over there, and I have stopped doing that,” said Wicker Park resident Michelle Elmore. “We have even stopped doing some of the activities our kids had been doing. That’s just way too far to drive. I mean, with traffic, it can be up to 12 minutes.”
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Stapleton Family Patiently Waiting to Receive All Christmas Cards Before Sending Theirs Out

christmas cardSara Halsor has her Christmas cards all ready to send. They include a quick generic “Happy Holidays” note as well as a “sorry this is so late note.” If she wanted to get them out before Christmas, she easily could. She has simply chosen to wait until after Christmas. “What always happens is, we send cards out, and then we get a card from someone we didn’t send a card to,” said Halsor. “Of course, you feel like a dick, and have to scramble to find an extra one somewhere to send them. But, you know they know you’re just reciprocating the card they sent you. That Holiday card tension seems to last longer than the season.” So, this year, the Halsors are just waiting until after the Holidays to send out their cards.
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Stapleton Man Says, “Fuck it” and Gives Wife $250 Visa Gift Card

gift cardWith Christmas less than two weeks away, Stapleton men are struggling to figure out what to give their spouses. Jewelry can often be tricky, guys never know what stores, styles, or sizes to get in regards to clothes, and they have typically relied too heavily on the pampering gifts. Stapleton resident Adam Brown further explains his challenge. “She seems like she has everything she wants, that we can afford,” said Brown. “I’m not going to surprise her with a Lexus or something. We have two kids and I have given some sentimental things before, but those ideas are once in every five year type ideas. I can’t come up with something unique and sentimental every year for every birthday. That’s just too much.”

Brown says his wife is pretty easy going, but he still gets stressed about present-giving. “Did I spend enough, did I put enough thought into it, and on and on,” said Brown. “She does like gift cards, but I really don’t want to drive somewhere to get her a gift card. Plus, I could do that and then I may realize she wanted something from somewhere else.” So, Brown decided to make things easy on himself this season. “I said, ‘fuck it’ and got her a $250 Visa gift card. It’s not like it’s cash. I had to put some effort in to it, right.” Happy Holidays and good luck, Adam.

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Who’s Who of Stapleton Walk Red Carpet at Punch Bowl Social Opening

punch-bowlStapleton’s Punch Bowl Social opened last weekend and residents all over Stapleton made sure you knew they had tickets to the opening. Social media was filled with photos and comments from those who were able to get the hardest ticket in town. “I have a friend who is friends with someone who knows the owner,” said local big shot Sam Jepsen. “When I found out I got to go the opening, I just couldn’t believe it. It’s a once in a lifetime event. I know a lot of people don’t know people like I do, so I felt bad for them. But man, it was cool.” Kelly Runchey was also able to snag some tickets for the opening night. “It was such a special experience,” said Runchey. “People were there from all over Stapleton. People I have seen at the Farmer’s Market, or Stanley, and other places. And there they were. Right there at Punch Bowl Social. I immediately asked to take some pictures with some of them so I could post them on Facebook.” Resident Molly Crawford was in awe of the entire experience. “When I found out I had tickets, I almost started crying,” said Crawford. “I mean, what an incredible, amazing, life experience. I saw some of my neighbors there along with some parents from my kids’ school. If you were somebody, you were at the Punch Bowl Social.”

Party-goers took time to take lots of pictures and immediately post them on Facebook so others would know how important they were. “I wanted to make sure people knew I got to go to the opening of a kind of chain restaurant,” said resident Jessica Davis. “People need to know that I’m part of the Stapleton scene, which means everything. You’re either part of it, or fighting to get in to it.” “I didn’t even get to see that much of the restaurant,” said Ryan Ambrose. “I was stuck staring at all the Stapleton royalty there. I mean everybody, if you were somebody, was there. It was pretty great. Of the most life changing experiences I have had, it would be my kids being born, than this.” It’s hard to say if Punch Bowl Social will continue to deliver this kind of mania from week to week. But, for this one weekend, customers were awed, if not only by themselves.

*This writer, nor any writers from The Stapletonion staff, were invited to the opening of Stapleton Punch Bowl Social.

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