All Stapleton Restaurants Simultaneously Put Each Other Out of Business

out of businessWithin the last 18 months, great restaurants have opened in Northfield, The Stanley, and the Eastbridge Town Center. Most of these places have received tremendous reviews from Stapleton residents and residents city-wide who have ventured east to try them. Prior to these restaurants opening, Stapleton already had some quality restaurants as well. The influx of options for residents has been great. “It used to be you always met your friends at the same one or two places,” said local resident Shane Murphy. “Now, it’s an actual conversation as to where you should go to eat or have drinks. There are so many great options.” Jaime Strassburg agrees. “I guess it makes going out to dinner a little harder because of all the places you have to choose from,” said Strassburg. “But, options are a good thing.”

Unfortunately, having so many terrific places to eat hasn’t been all good for the restaurants. “I think the same number or percentage of people continue to go out to eat,” said a local restauranteur. “Stapleton is growing, but the number of restaurants has outgrown the demand. And, unfortunately, Stapleton still isn’t getting a big draw from the rest of the city.” This factored in with randomly, inaccurate bad reviews on social media put the restaurants in jeopardy of closing. “The numbers just weren’t working out,” said another local restauranteur. “So, we decided to shut our doors in Stapleton on November 7th. It was tough, but it was a business decision.” Almost two dozen other locally owned, quality restaurants closed the same day, immediately causing home values to drop 8%. “I didn’t see this coming,” said resident Adam Yagla. “I didn’t go out to eat very often, but I really enjoyed having the options. Really sucks.” Jennifer Nielson also expressed remorse as she heard the news. “Just horrible news,” said Nielson. “It appears the chain restaurants made it through just fine, but not sure we will start regularly eating at Ihop.” Residents are hoping new restaurants will slowly start to build up again. “Maybe new, even better restaurants will take their place,” said a wishful Scott Jones. Wishes rarely come true, however, so it looks like Stapleton residents will have to get comfortable eating at McDonalds and Red Lobster.

Editor’s Note: There are many great restaurants in Stapleton, and although it is not your job to keep them in business, there are things you can do to help. 1) Invite non-Stapleton friends to the hood and take them out to eat at one of these many fine establishments. 2) If you have one bad experience at a local spot, don’t post it on social media. We all have different tastes, so if your friends ask you directly, tell them your opinion. But, you’re not a food critic. The world doesn’t need your opinion on cuisine. Keep your public opinions to politics and religion like the rest of us.

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Stapleton Teen Thinks Dad’s a Dork, Mom’s a Total Bitch

teenage girlStapleton teenager and Northfield High School student Kennedy Springer is really struggling with getting along with her parents. From her perspective, they don’t know anything and in her words, “just don’t understand.” She sometimes feels embarrassed by her “dorky” dad, but is having a significantly harder time with her mom. “Dad seems to stay out of my way for the most part,” said Kennedy. “But, my mom can be such a bitch. She does mean things to me for no reason at all. I just don’t get it. Kylie’s mom is not all up in her business like my mom is in mine. Jill’s mom lets her do whatever. But, my mom is always asking me questions like she needs to know everything. What am I doing. Where I am going. Do I need anything. I just want to tell that bitch to leave me alone.” It’s clear to Kennedy that her mother is so out of touch, she was probably never a teenager. “Mom must have went from 12 to 40 or something, and skipped those years,” said Kennedy. “Why can’t she just trust me? Uggghh!”
Continue reading “Stapleton Teen Thinks Dad’s a Dork, Mom’s a Total Bitch”

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Two Years Later, Next Door Post Still Getting Comments

nextdoorlogo2Long after a decision was made to have King Soopers anchor the Eastbridge Town Center, comments are still being made on a post on the popular Next Door social media site. The original post was meant to mobilize an effort to block the grocer in hopes of a natural grocer moving in to the space, but the movement never gained any real traction. What has gained lots of traction is the number of comments posted after the original post. “I really wish the original poster would just take it down,” said Stapleton resident and Next Door member Sara Johnson. “I have to see all of these useless comments. The store is there and it is fully operational. If you have a problem with service at the store, start a new post. It’s ridiculous.” Resident Amy Youde would also like to see old posts removed from the site. “It ends up showing how petty people can be,” said Youde. “Once a situation is resolved or done with, the original poster or even an administrator just needs to take it down. Do they get some sort of pleasure in seeing how many comments they can get? What a sick, sick world we live in.”

Next Door is not planning any changes to the current format. “It’s a social media site, and therefore, we do not moderate unless something is highly offensive,” said Next Door Communications Director Paul Baltus. “While we at Next Door don’t condone the type of behavior and comments we see, especially in the NE Denver Market, it is our policy to allow users to moderate themselves.” Comments on outdated posts have become so annoying, Next Door has lost some users. “I was done,” said Megan Heller. “I would see these topics that were months old, and someone would be commenting on them. All it was doing was feeding the beast. Nothing was getting accomplished. It became a waste of my time, like watching a soap opera. I decided my time could be better spent.” Next Door users may have better luck killing off John Black than killing off these outdated posts.

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Place “Someday Going to Be a Restaurant,” Finally Going to Be a Restaurant

punch bowlThe LONG awaited opening of Punch Bowl Social is finally here. The restaurant is set to open this Friday (11/18) with much anticipated fanfare. “We are really hoping to get in this opening weekend,” said local resident Adam Owens. “When it was first announced, I couldn’t believe it. A restaurant was the best idea for the tower, but everyone knew it was going to be challenging financially to figure out a way to do it.” Resident Amanda Lewis recalls how often she mentions to her kids that the tower was going through positive changes. “Every time we drove by, I would say, ‘what is that going to be someday kids?’ And they would say, ‘a restaurant.’ And I can’t believe they are finally completing the project.” Admittingly, the project didn’t go as smoothly as expected. “We should have known better,” said Project Manager Matt Marrion. “It was an abandon control tower. I doubt in the history of architecture and engineering, there is another project of this kind. It would have been easier to tear the thing down and start from scratch.”
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Mom Really Hoping She Doesn’t Run Into Anyone at School Drop Off

mom hoping to not run into anyoneStapleton mom Nicci Walker is a typical Stapleton hot mom. She takes great care of herself through working out and eating healthy. Like many other hot moms, she likes to look great without others thinking she had to work hard to look great. “I will put on some expensive yoga pants and a cute top,” said Walker. “I always do my makeup, even if I just put my hair in a ponytail. The look I think most of us strive for is that, ‘I’m hot and I’m not even trying to be,’ look. The reality is, looking this good is hard goddamn work.” Nicci makes sure she gives herself enough time to achieve her look any time she is planning to leave the house. “It takes me about 60 to 80 minutes to get myself ready. I’m guessing people see me and think, ‘gee she looks great. And she just threw something together with those yoga pants.’”

This morning, however, time hasn’t been on her side. “There were some things I needed to get done here, and then a couple projects and assignments we had to get ready for the school,” said Nicci. “It has thrown my entire morning off, and I will definitely not have my usual prep time.” Nicci knows there is no chance she can complete the usual routine, so she is improvising. “I’m going to put the usual-type outfit on for one,” says Nicci. “Then, I’m going to give my face a good once-over, and throw on a hat. I really hope I don’t see anyone at school drop-off today.” Nicci most fears having the other hot moms at the school see her like this. “I don’t want people knowing I usual work my ass off to look great, and in actuality, I’m like everyone else.” There are also a couple of good looking dads Nicci is hoping to avoid. “Nothing would ever come of it, obviously, but I want the few hot dads at the school thinking I am hot, too. I don’t want that imbalance of them knowing they’re hot and that I have to work hard to be hot. This is going to be a stressful morning.” Please send your thoughts and prayers with Nicci as she tries to get through this morning drop off unnoticed.

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Stapleton Parents Plan to Not “Go So Big” For the Holidays This Year

holiday presentsThe Essex family has always gone big during the Holidays. Parents Sean and Nicole have a five year old son, Jacob, and a three year old daughter, Keira, and love spoiling them. “Every year, I think I am done buying things for them, and then I’ll see something else that I just have to get them,” said Nicole. “It’s just so fun to see how excited they get to open presents and how much they enjoy playing with a new toy, even for just a short time.” The parents estimate they spent about $700 on gifts last year for the kids, and aunts, uncles, and grandparents probably spent another $200. “They get doted on pretty good,” said Sean. It is pretty ridiculous how much they have historically received during the season.”

But, the parents promise this year is going to be different. “We realize we are spending way too much money on them,” said Nicole. “Especially for these ages. I mean, they only end up playing with most of the stuff for a very short time. And, they grow out of their clothes pretty quick.” Sean agrees things need to change. “We definitely plan to give more this year,” said Sean. “I mean, five and three year olds don’t need that much stuff, right?” Nicole understands it is going to be tough to not buy every cute clothing item and cool toy. “I already have agreed to cap myself at a certain amount, and then I am done,” said Nicole. “So, for every time I see something, I think, ‘is that great enough to go against my total allowance?’ If not, I have to move on.” Nicole says she has a strong network of friends who are going to help support her during this challenge. “This is going to be really hard for me,” said Nicole. “But, it’s the right thing to do. The right thing to do.”

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To Stapleton Residents: “Tear (Gift ideas) Down (from) That Wall”

giving wallStanley Marketplace has teamed up with the Aurora Housing Authority and Denver Housing Authority for their first-ever giving wall. This is an easy way for area residents to give back to our communities during the Holiday season.
Stanley Giving Wall is located in the community area in Stanley in front of the Denver Biscuit Company. The wall includes tags with gift suggestions for children and families in need. Bring the family and come grab one (or some), and then go purchase those items and more for the families to help them have a happy Holiday season. After your shopping is complete, drop off the unwrapped gift items along with the Giving Wall tag(s) at poppy & pine, Trunk Nouveau, or True. The great folks at the Aurora Housing Authority and Denver Housing Authority will take it from there.

The Giving Wall will be at Stanley through December 11, and they will continue to replenish it with new tags as many times as they can. Our goal as area residents is to make that part difficult. Let’s grab tags and turn in presents so fast the respective housing authorities have to work overtime to keep up with our demand to help those in need. This is a great opportunity for a teaching moment with your kids, so bring them along. Before leaving Stanley, grab a bite to eat, and then get a *drink to go as you walk around and check out all the great shops at Stanley.

*Yes, you can take a roadie out of one of the establishments and do some shopping. That’s a real thing. That’s your Holiday present from me.

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