Aisle Maze at Eastbridge Soopers Completely Unappreciated

Aisle MazeThe Eastbridge Soopers has been open for roughly four months now, and overall, has received positive reviews. The biggest contributions of the Eastbridge Soopers is that it is close by to those living east of Central Park Boulevard and it has alleviated some of the crowding at the Quebec Soopers. “It’s nice to know you can get there in about two minutes,” said area resident Mitchell Nash. “I know the Quebec Soopers wasn’t that far away, but just thinking about crossing the Central Park intersection annoyed me.” The crowds may be a little better as well according to Michelle Lockie. “At times it can seem as crowded as the Quebec Soopers,” said Lockie. “But, the reality is, I never have a terrible time finding a parking spot and checking out is always considerably faster.”

Amid all the positive feedback of the Eastbridge Soopers including better selection, the deli, the sushi, and more organic choices, there is one design flaw shoppers are constantly complaining about. “Why did they have to hide the first six aisles behind the fruit and vegetable area?” complained shopper Kristin Boesen. “It makes no sense.” Chris Klein agrees. “It’s a goddam maze to get back there,” said Klein. “I’ve lost kids on the way back trying to get a simple loaf of bread. What’s up with that?” Mike Focht has experienced similar difficulties. “I spend most of my time when I’m going there trying to figure out the best route to get those aisles,” said Focht. “Should I walk around the fruits and vegetables, passed the bakery, and then turn left in to those first four or five aisles? Or do I walk to the end of the first ‘full’ aisle and turn right to get to those aisles? I’ve used GPS in trying to figure that mess out, but because of differing variables, it doesn’t seem consistent.” According to the Eastbridge Soopers Manager, the store is considering putting in arrows to help navigate to the first three aisles. “We know that has been a point of frustration for our shoppers,” said manager Zack Fobian. “We think some arrows may be helpful, so we are looking in to painting some in. You know, something similar to the gas line arrows at the Quebec Soopers.” Residents say they will continue to shop at the Soopers, but will also continue to cuss under their breaths knowing they need to circumnavigate a maze when trying to get a staple from one of the first several aisles.

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Jesus “Really Disappointed” After Following Area Next Door Site

disappointed JesusLike anyone else, Jesus likes to take a break from his daily activities to peruse social media sites. He often “googles” Himself, checks out what his friends have been up to through Facebook, and even goes to Snapchat. He’s also joined a few neighborhood groups over the years just to make sure people are “loving thy neighbor.” “Even though I don’t technically live in these neighborhoods, I live enough in the hearts of some of the residents I count it,” said Jesus. “It’s just a good way to see how modern people are interacting with each other and to see if people are communicating with and treating each other in a way I see appropriate.” One of the many neighborhood sites Jesus belongs to is the Denver area Next Door site, which He visited recently. Jesus was shocked at the comments he was reading. “Dear God, some of the back and forth reminded me of Holy wars,” said Jesus. “Is that how people are connecting these days? Through semi-anonymous insults? To say the least, I was really disappointed.”
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Residents of Different Religions Come Together to Judge Non-Stapletonians

Portrait of happy teenage friends sitting and chatting in cafe

Portrait of happy teenage friends sitting and chatting in cafe

The Holiday Season is a great time in the neighborhood, as people of different religious backgrounds come together as one. Whether you are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, agnostic, or an atheist, Stapletonians welcome you with open arms. That is, as long as you are a Stapletonian. “This is the time of year when we need to set aside our differences and understand, we’re all Stapletonians,” said resident Susanna Cox. “Let’s stick together and make sure we are judging everyone else who’s not a Stapletonian. That’s really what this community is about.” Paul Doyle agrees. “Here in Stapleton, backgrounds don’t matter,” said Doyle. “It’s not about race, religion, or anything else. It’s just about being a Stapletonian. Everything else means nothing.”
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Stapleton Family Plans to Have Vestibule Cleared Out by 2021

vestibuleIn a bold resolution, the Springer family has made plans to have their vestibule completely cleared off by the spring of 2021. The plan involved expert advice and planning, but the family feels it is something that can be accomplished if they stick to strict scheduling. “This was something we knew needed to be done,” said Melissa Springer. “It’s been building for quite some time, and now is the time we need to undue this burden that has been on all of us for years.” Husband Patrick says it won’t come easy. “This isn’t something we just stood up and said, ‘okay, let’s clean the vestibule.’ We’re not a family of miracle workers. This is going to take time, dedication, and hard work. We know what we are getting into.”

Over the years, random items have continued to be stockpiled in the vestibule, some coming and some going. But, that is not how Melissa envisioned the area when they first purchased the home. “You know, I thought it would be a place for some pretty flowers, and maybe a couple of pictures,” said Melissa. “But, it has simply turned into a storage space that is used for things that are supposed to go upstairs. Some items make it upstairs, some just stay lost in the vestibule black hole forever. It’s really frustrating.” The family says it has to be a two-pronged approach. “The first thing we need to do is begin clearing out the current items,” said Patrick. “And then, it is getting the discipline to not continue to place items in the area. And that will be the biggest challenge.” Melissa feels it can be accomplished. “We can do this. Yes, it won’t be fully complete until 2021, but we can do this.”

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Stapleton Mom Collapses from Exhaustion on 12/26

mom collapses after christmasThe day after Christmas, Stapleton mom Wendi Frazier finally succumbed to the pressure, stress, lack of sleep, and overexertion and collapsed on to her living room floor. “To be quite honest, we couldn’t believe she made it through Christmas,” said husband Rob. “We hosted extended family so there was extensive cooking and cleaning efforts, shopping for everyone, wrapping presents, baking, and on and on. It was a heck of an effort.” Rob says he tried to help Wendi out but most of his efforts were in vain. “She doesn’t trust I’ll do it right,” said Rob. “Now, that’s not a knock on me. She won’t let anyone help her. So, sure, some of these wounds are self-inflicted, but she did do it all right. She really crushed it this year. But, she does most years.”

What was really impressive was her ability to stay up late, drink wine, and act as if she cared about people’s pointless stories. “She drank glass after glass after glass, asking questions as if she was interested in the answers,” said Rob. “I mean, if there are two things Stapleton women are really good at, aside from being really hot, it’s drinking a lot of wine and acting as if they care about people’s pointless conversations.” The family is unsure when Wendi will come to. “She usually wakes up after 14 to 16 hours,” said Rob. “But then she is not completely functional and coherent for about four to five days.” Wendi promised herself she won’t ever do this again. But, let’s be honest, she absolutely will be doing the same thing next year.

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Stapleton Principal HOA Really Pushing That Cube Thing

pushing the cubeThe Stapleton Principal HOA introduced “The Cube” a while back in an effort to “elevate cultural programming.” “We are hoping to host many events for the betterment of the community,” said HOA spokesperson Janelle Ayers. “So far, we definitely have made people aware of the events, and are trying to attract more.” To this point, the main events that have been hosted included the controversial name change discussion and several alcohol tasting related events. “We have done some beer tastings and a lot of wine tastings,” said Ayers. “We have considered combining alcohol with the controversial name change discussion, but ultimately decided that may be a bad idea.” The Cube hasn’t quite gained the momentum the Stapleton Principal HOA originally hoped for. “We thought there would be a lot more people attending these events as well as renting the space out for events,” said Ayers. “We know that momentum will come, we just need to be patient.”

Until more events request to reserve The Cube, the Principal HOA has taken it upon itself to fill the space on a regular basis. “We want to make sure we keep things going and keep the name of the facility out there,” said Ayers. “For that reason, we have doubled movie nights and active mind seminars, game nights, dance nights, trivia nights and on and on. We want every night to be booked to keep people coming in and seeing our great facility.” To Ayers, the number of participants is less important than the number of events. “We want to make sure the image is out there that we are constantly booked, and The Cube is the place to be.” It certainly is. Seven days a week.

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