Forest City’s Ultimatum on Town Center: “Soopers or Low Income Adobe Units”

King-SoopersForest City has grown frustrated with the backlash regarding their announcement of King Soopers becoming the anchor to the Eastbridge Town Center. “Forest City has been working tirelessly to satisfy the residents of Stapleton,” said Stapleton President Phil Dargossi. “Their pushback and their tenacity to block progress has grown tiresome. At this point, the community needs to move forward. Essentially, they can have a King Soopers and a town center, or we can start to finally meet our quotas for socio-economic diversity and begin building some adobe units.”

Dargossi went on to say that those would be the only options, and residents need to make their decision by the end of August. “We need to get moving,” said Dargossi. There is money to be made on that land, and we are going to make it one way or the other.” Residents are extremely disappointed by Dargossi’s comments, but not surprised. “This is typical from Forest City,” said resident Mark Shannon. “They push their will on us, and pretend they want our feedback, but have no interest. My guess is, they already have this decision made, and are just pretending they are even giving us this final choice.” Most residents are not accepting the ultimatum. “We will talk to the Mayor, the governor, senators, councilman, whatever it takes,” says Stapleton activist Lisa Jepsen. “There is a right way to do things, and a wrong way, and Forest City is way over the line on this.”

Although plans have been released for the town center if it has a King Soopers, nothing has been drawn up if they go with the low-income adobe units. “First of all, the ultimatum is just bull,” said resident Steve Shelton. “Secondly, how are residents supposed to make a decision on this if we don’t even know how the units will look? Honestly, out of spite, without even seeing the plans, I would probably go with the low income adobe units.” Other residents agree. “I think they are bluffing,” says Matt Lewis. “So, yeah, Dargossi, build the adobe units.” Forest City says they have hired an independent research organization to conduct the study to determine what the community prefers for the Eastbridge town center. Residents, however, have vowed to block any efforts to begin either project.

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High Tech Elementary Has Low Tech Handbook

high tech elementaryIf you have read the High Tech Elementary Handbook, you probably have a lot of free time on your hands. You also would have noticed how specific the handbook is when it comes to things such as playing on the playground and walking through the halls. “My child is enrolled there for this year,” said parent Skylar Gaies. “I read through the handbook last week, and I was kind of surprised. It seems like there is a lot of minutia on basic things, but not a lot of information on how they are actually going to educate my kid. I mean, I guess knowing how to use the swings is important, but it probably doesn’t need to be covered in the handbook, right?”
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SUN Survey Seeks Responses to Questions They Already Know Answers To

new SUN surveyIn its latest survey, SUN looks to gather data regarding the opinions of Stapleton residents concerning the Eastbridge Town Center, mosquito control, high school programming, parks, and other retail development. For most of these questions, the answers are pretty obvious according to resident John Weber. “No King Soopers, kill all the mosquitoes, don’t care about innovative status–just build the high school, and more baseball fields and basketball courts. It’s pretty simple, and I am guessing 90% of the residents here agree with me.”
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Stapleton MCA Introduces “Block Therapy”

Block TherapyStapleton is a tight-knit community, often with even tighter blocks. Most blocks get together regularly for drinks, dinners, alley parties, and of course, the annual block party. The kids on the block often become close friends, the wives get together for Bunco, and the men get together to play golf or poker. You may even say that most blocks are like a family. And like most families, blocks have occasional problems and issues they need to work through.
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Starbucks Engineer Figures Out Way to Sit Less People

StarbucksIf you are like most of Stapleton residents, you were greatly affected by the 29th Street Starbucks shutdown. The Starbucks closed so that the store could re-engineer the area to be more efficient for its customers. “It has never been perfect,” said regional Starbucks manager Jonathan Ironside. “We wanted to upgrade the seating, and make the line more efficient. So, we brought in some of our best people to make it better for our loyal Stapleton market.”
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Study: 67% of Stapletonians on Tinder

tinderStapleton enjoys lots of nicknames: Gaypleton, Divorcleton, and Swingerton. Stapleton legend has it that a gnome in your front yard means you’re a swinger. This analog way of communication is now obsolete as the smart phone app, Tinder, is sweeping across Stapleton.
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Forest City Approval Rating Falls Below that of Congress

congress approval ratingForest City has never been popular, but suddenly that lack of popularity has reached a new low. In fact, Forest City’s current approval rating of 13% is below the current approval rating of the US Congress of 15%. To put that in perspective, the current do-nothing US Congress is essentially made up of a bunch of racist white guys whose only real accomplishment was getting re-elected. But, somehow, this Congress has left Forest City in its dust. “It’s a really big thing for us,” said US Congress Woman Michele Bachman (R). “To not be the most hated organization in the United States is great. It may take some pressure off of us so that we can actually get something done. Probably not, but it could happen.”
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