Residents Flock to Get Glimpse of Amazing Trains

A-lineThe long anticipated opening of the University of Colorado A-Line happened last Saturday, and Stapleton residents came by the hundreds to get a chance to view and even ride the train. “It was truly amazing,” said resident Jeremy Meyers. “It went so fast. I don’t know how these things work, but boy was it incredible.” Excited onlooker Autumn Schmit was also impressed by the technological wonder. “It was just really, really cool,” said Schmit. “All these people would get off, and then all of these people would get on. It takes you right to downtown, or the airport, and all these other places we will probably never go. But pretty darn neat.”

Trains, which have been around for about 175 years, have gone through many changes and upgrades since their inception in the late 19th century. Light rails, or commuter trains have been around since the 1970’s, hoping to provide reliable transportation to millions of people in crowded cities, and ease traffic in urban areas. The light rail has been in Denver for over a decade and a half now, but many residents still had never got a glimpse of one. “I had heard about them, but had never actually saw one,” said resident Colleen Baird. “And you know, without ever seeing one, it is pretty hard to believe. That’s why I brought the family today. I wanted to let them see the amazing things we have in this world. Like trains.”

Residents look forward to the many advantages the University of Colorado A Line will provide. “It definitely eliminates most of my excuses for not leaving Stapleton,” said Steve Turner. “We will definitely do a little more in the city. At least that’s how I’m looking at it now. Come to think of it, Stanley Marketplace will still be a lot closer.”

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Stapleton Family Makes Disingenuous Promise to “Never Let House Get Like That Again”

Spring CleaningEvery spring, like many households, the McAllister family does a thorough cleaning of their home, removing tens of unneeded items, as well as scrubbing places they only see once a year. The family gets rid of old toys, clothes, and furniture in the unfinished portion of the basement. The process can be grueling, and heart-wrenching. “It’s always tough to see old kids clothing go,” said mother of three Brenda. “Even getting rid of some of the old toys can be hard, but you can’t become a hoarder.” The family seems to stockpile hundreds of small, pointless toys from happy meals as well as “art projects” the kids create. “We just have so much junk,” says dad Steven. “Every year we say we are going to be better about throwing things out or getting rid of things as we go, and it never works out. This year, we are really hoping to do better.”
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Neighborhood North of 56th to Become “Tiny Town”

tiny homeWith the Willow Park East and Wicker Park neighborhoods up and running, Forest City has turned its attention to developing the area north of 56th. With some big ideas and a large number of Green Book issues to address, Forest City came up with some small solutions. “There is a new trend in America where people are interested in living small,” said Forest City Spokesperson Janelle Ayers. “I mean really small. Stapleton is known for its giant, beautiful homes, but we thought, we can still do beautiful, but maybe scaled down.” Ayers says Forest City plans to build an entire neighborhood using the “tiny home” concept. “This is going to be big. Not the homes, but the idea, obviously.”
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Westerly Creek Park Offers Gorgeous Views of Central Park

westerly-creek-parkStapleton has roughly three dozen pocket parks which provide wide open areas for kids to play sports, fly kites, and have picnics. Most of those parks have new age playground equipment which on a nice day, are crawling with Stapleton kids. Then, of course, there’s Central Park which provides everything the pocket parks do, but with ten times the space and playground equipment. But one of these Stapleton pocket parks stands out from the rest of the Stapleton Green Space. Westerly Creek Park.
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Deviant Neighbors Keep Party Interesting, Uncomfortable

neighbors make things uncomfortableThe Farrell couple is always great to have over for evening cocktails. They are outgoing, neighborly people. And after a few drinks, they certainly make the party more interesting. “We love the Farrells,” said neighbor Christina. “They’re great people, and on top of it, they keep our block gatherings interesting.” Christina says the couple enjoys talking about shows they watch, which typically include shows like “Gigolos” and movies such as Fifty Shades of Grey. “It definitely gets people talking,” said another neighbor, Scott. “I’m not sure it makes me uncomfortable, but it’s right there. I’m not a square by any means, but they just talk about things people normally don’t talk about. I can never tell if I’m the only one uncomfortable laughing or if everyone else is, too.”

The Farrells also talk about the Stapleton swingers culture which usually sparks discussion, and often confusion. “They seem to know all the clues to letting people know you’re a swinger,” said neighbor Dylan. “They laugh about it and talk about who might be a swinger, but most of us are left guessing if they are swingers or not. We actually call them the “Filthy Farrells.” It’s in good fun, and it doesn’t seem to bother them.” Swingers or not, neighbors plan to continue to have the Farrells over for gatherings. “It’s always more interesting with the Farrells around,” said Christina. “In fact, when they can’t come over, we just end up talking about what we think the filthy Farrells would talk about.”

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Breaking News: Perfect Stapleton Mom Also Yells at Kids

neighbor yelling at kidsMichele Imhoff was sitting in her backyard when she suddenly heard something very unexpected. Her neighbor, Cindy Miller, was shouting at her children. And not in a positive way. “It was clear she was angry,” said Imhoff. “I’m not exactly sure what she was yelling, or what the kids did to set her off, but she was pissed at them. That was clear.” Most parents get frustrated with their children and occasionally yell at them. What is unique about this situation is that Imhoff can not recall a single instance of Miller yelling at her kids. “We have lived next to them for four years,” said Imhoff. “Never have I heard Cindy even raise her voice at the kids. She’s like this perfect Stapleton mom. And she has these perfect Stapleton kids. Honestly, it was great to hear her yelling at them. I think this is a relationship-changer for us.”
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Report: Yellow Liquid on Door Probably Not Urine

liquid on house not urineIn a recent study conducted by lab experts at the University of Colorado and paid for by the Stapleton MCA, the study indicated that although there may be something that looks like urine on your doorstep, more than likely, it is not. “We went to hundreds of homes in Stapleton and took samples of any liquid that could remotely be confused with urine,” said study author professor Jason Sword. “We analyzed all of these samples, and none contained any of the characteristic properties of urine. We came to the conclusion that any likelihood of someone throwing urine at random homes in Stapleton is extremely low at best. It would be more likely to have a small meteorite hit a home, in fact.”
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